Doing Happiness. I don’t know about you, but I learned from an early age that happiness is earned by accomplishing things, getting things, changing things on the outside, changing how we look, how we act, who we have in our life etc. I see it time and again with people I work with – people feeling blindly for who they are – why is it that we were never taught how to be ourselves?
My whole coaching paradigm is built on knowing ourselves, and being comfortable, secure and whole in ourselves as a starting point. Authenticity as an entry point to happiness. Maybe it’s more accurate to say that we were not allowed to just be ourselves.
I also learned early on that good people put themselves last – and others first. This led me on a ultimately ruinous series of relationships and life patterns – that only ceased when I began to give myself permission to self care.
If you’re anything like me, you were always being “something” for somebody else. When I finally stopped chasing other’s approval, and sought instead to be grounded in myself, I began to feel the warmth and glow of happiness. I could stop chasing happiness, It was with me all along. We are chasing because we are not happy.
Happiness comes from being in the moment observing life in a non-judgemental way including ourselves. Almost the definition of mindfulness. Happiness is coming from that heart centred place. That is who we are naturally, but we have lost touch with that very basic part of ourselves. We need to re-learn how to be again and make choices that are in-line with who we are at our essential nature, our core. It’s about consciously choosing not to live a life based on the conditioning that we have experienced or someone else’s expectations.
We take happiness for granted, and put conditions on it. “I will be happy when..” “As soon as x, then I will be happy…” Even the trick of delaying happiness until a holiday, or retirement, or the weekend, or tonight.
If you observe closely you will start to see the conditions that you have put in place and are basically guiding your life. The problem is, when you meet one of those conditions; the ideal job, the ideal partner, losing weight or nearing Friday afternoon, you find that it is not true happiness. But instead, a mirage – an illusion that begins dissolving back into the horizon just as quickly as you approach it.
True happiness is realizing there is nothing wrong with you or anything in your experience. Happiness begins with self acceptance.
Happiness is realizing that nothing needs to change about you or the world. It is not based on anything being different… it comes from simply being present in your experience, simply observing and making choices from that heart centered place, from that mindful state of being that is with you always.
I’m hoping you want to explore you own relationship with happiness and that begins with an Awareness Upgrade. Take the plunge…